“The Dog Whisperer” Rehabilitation Techniques: Adapted for Humans Suffering from Chronic Chick-fil-A Addiction
Published on The Daily Drunk
Hi! I’m Cesar Millan from the TV show The Dog Whisperer. I also have other shows: Cesar 911, Leader of the Pack, and Dog Nation. People call me a “dog trainer” but I correct them: “I don’t train dogs; I train humans.” Dogs need rehabilitation! I’ve decided to put my tried-and-true dog rehabilitation techniques to a new use. That’s right! I’m doing my first show without dogs! It will be just for humans. A very specific type of human: Chick-fil-A Addicts!
People know how serious Chick-fil-A addiction can be, especially here in the United States. I often compare dogs from my homeland of Mexico to dogs in the United States saying, “Mexican dogs are skinny, and American dogs are fat.” For dogs, this is due to differences with population and exercise. For humans, the difference is simply the existence of Chick-fil-A. Some humans become so obsessed that it’s a problem. Why? Some claim it’s MSG. Others guess it’s the sauce. Some even suspect there’s cocaine in the ingredients. Whatever the reasons, people have called “Cesar 911” on their loved ones. They need my help, and I’m going to deliver!
Before my new show airs, see my techniques and how to employ them for human use. Try my methods…
